Even though
many have told me that
I needed to “break free”
from who and how I love,
breaking into freedom
from those judging words and
programs set out to change me is
actually what I was made for.
They broke me down and
got me to stand in line,
reciting what was “right” –
strong-arming me with logic so
black and white but
now I take a stand –
it’s me –
I’m breaking the cycle of silence.
Because does anyone even
actually believe that a Divine Being
who made things so wonderfully good
looks at people with shame,
with memories of how they
fucked it all up?
What’s fucked up
is the people who
pushed me into the
deepest, darkest corner of the closet;
put a weapon in my hand and
dared me to find myself worthy
in a single one of those 66 books.
It’s an impossible task.
They’ve censored it:
blotted out my belovedness to make
a point – I was broken.
“If you want to be free”,
they said, “you have to kill this part of yourself
if you want to be loved by God.”
Their message never changed,
though they manipulated my story
to support their own point.
I was an agenda item,
a “living proof” testimony,
and never a human being to them.
The day I broke up with
Conversion Therapy
was the best day of my life –
that day I started, scared, to
Be Free.
august laperche 