The words you’re about to read are honest. They are my heart. With that, I ask that you read with care, with caution, and with an open mind. I am adamant on skipping all drama, all “I don’t usually say things like this, but…” statements, and all disclaimers that I am, in fact, white.
I just need to get right into it.
I am tired of being more afraid of what my white friends will think about things I say or post, than I am brave to just stand up and make it known that I stand with my brothers and sisters of color.
I am tired of letting myself perpetuate this white-victim mentality of saying that I do not understand, and therefore I cannot contribute to the dialogue, cannot use my voice.
I am sorry that I have done this for so long.
I honestly don’t know what I have been so afraid of. I have no legitimate reason as to why I have not said anything until now. There is nothing I can do to make up for the times that I have said or done nothing in the face of micro-aggressions and racism.
I need to say “thank you” to my friends who are strong and kind and honest with me when I ask what it’s like to live life as someone of color. I don’t know who I would be, or what I would think, if it wasn’t for the raw, thought-provoking, paradigm-shifting conversations I have had with these intelligent, genuine people. I know that each person, each conversation, it spurs on another one in the future, because of the grace that I am received with every time.
I am humbled by their willingness to be so vulnerable. I am challenged by their great strength. I am propelled forward into hope for reconciliation by their tireless movements and efforts towards peace and equality.
I am embarrassed that it has taken me so long to stand up and say these things.
I truly hope that none of these things I say are cheapened because of the current media hype. There is a fire within me that is just getting started, but that truly wants to stand with the color community through all things. I am learning, and it is a process. I am learning to notice what people say, how they act. I am learning to listen more. I am learning that fighting racism is less about our reaction to events, less about activism, and so much more about being observant and intentional and consistent.
My growing understanding of fighting racism includes being equally as quick to defend against a micro-aggression as I am to protest an oppressive policy, or to speak out against white nationalism.
I am sorry for everything I do not know, and for all of the ways I will probably mess up along this journey and process. Also, thank you. Thank you to my friends for grace and challenge and sharing your lives and passions with me. This is your life, your reality. Thank you for teaching me that with boldness and with authenticity.
I need to say these hard truths:
- Racism is not dead.
- Pretending that race is not a factor in daily life is perpetuating the problem.
- Acting like you are unaware of difference or race is perpetuating the problem.
- Feeling nervous when you see someone of color pass by you on the street at night is white privilege.
- Thinking you understand race issues because you have one black friend makes you ignorant.
I look in the mirror and need to tell myself these same truths every. single. day. I have been working at becoming more of the person that I feel we all should be – and this includes someone who is not silent in the face of injustice.
What compels me to write this? Martin Luther King Jr. said it well when he stated, “There comes a time when silence is betrayal”.
So, here it is. This is me.
Trying, maybe failing, to interject my voice in this white space. This white space where many people have already begun to move on from the reality of Charlottesville, or maybe never even took time to really read about it or acknowledge it at all.
This is me saying that white supremacy is not okay. And this is me saying that if you think that it is okay, or that racism is okay or ever justifiable – this is me saying that if you think someone’s freedom of speech is more important than someone else’s access to justice, safety, or dignity – you are wrong.
If that is you, and you feel that way, I do not hate you. It is because of love and out of love that I am implored to say this: your view of the world is skewed, and you are wrong.
This is me saying that Black lives matter. This is me saying that Black lives matter more than white feelings, or white freedom of speech, or white freedom of expression.
Black lives matter to me, and if that makes you decide that you and I are not meant to be friends anymore – then know that you leave our friendship with nothing but love and well-wishes from me. But I am not afraid to lose a few friends, or even all of my friends, if it means standing up for what I know to be right.
I cannot betray my friends with silence. I cannot sit back, and pretend to be the victim of my own white voice, simply because I have not experienced what my friends of color have. I do not understand, I never will. But I am learning. I am learning that I cannot let the fear of “not saying it right”, keep me from saying anything at all.
If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor. – Desmond Tutu
august laperche 